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[Ellie blows a raspberry at her, not swallowing the laugh that bubbles up, or pulling back on the way she elbows her.]

H'okay, so it's expensive hooch.

It's good.

[ Glimmer protests feebly as she tries to elbow Ellie back. ]

Are we just gonna jump right off the ferry dock?

[Ellie turns to her, throwing her arms wide and tilting her head to one side, walking backward.]

Why, are you scared?

[She knows Glimmer's the farthest thing from scared. What she wants it to rile the hell out of her, because they both need to blow off some steam.]

Edited (for matt) 2022-07-04 04:03 (UTC)

Pff. No!

[ Glimmer makes a noise that indicates she is absolutely not scared and the idea that Ellie might actually think that she's scared is absurd. She trots down the dock after Ellie, bottle dangling from her fingers. ]

You been holding up alright?

[Not quite a laugh, but she'll take it. Instead, she picks up on Glimmer's preoccupation, sighs, and shrugs her shoulders.]

... no? But that's everybody.

[It really is. She hesitates, considers.]

There's the usual nightmares, and then there's the... whatever the fuck these have been. I keep thinking I'm gonna wake up and knife someone.

[It's more than she'd admit to most people.]

You?

I'm okay. Don't worry.

[ She is definitely okay. Definitely okay. Yeah. She even smiles. ]

It's rough but I'll get through it.

[ Not gonna talk about the dreams. She doesn't want to bother Ellie with that when they're trying to relax. ]

[Ellie gives her an appraising look, weighing it in her mind as they walk. Finally, she lets her expression settle into something very slightly pained. It was a sensitive subject, even back there.

Only the fact that Ellie was the only one to check it is the only thing that she feels gives her a right to comment on it now.]

I haven't seen you touch alcohol since the Aerie.

I don't want to fuck up a good thing for you or anything, but. There's other stuff we can do. If that's why.

[ Ellie, of course, drives right at the heart of it and GLimmer can feel herself start to crumple a little. She doesn't know that she wants to talk about this. She doesn't know what there even is to say, because this isn't something they actually ever talked about.

Like ever.

They had stumbled out of the Aerie right into a whole other mess back in New Amsterdam and they'd been busy and then--then they'd gotten here and Glimmer had just ignored it for a year, because it was easier not to think about it. Her grip on the neck of the bottle tightens. ]

I...

[ Part of her wants to dig and find an excuse, a reason. To tell Ellie to back off, to mind her own fucking business. Glimmer doesn't want to ruin the night more than she doesn't want to talk about this, though. ]

Astarion talked me into having some drinks. In Antiva.

[ Her voice is soft, a little ashamed. The voice that Glimmer had always apologized in back in the Aerie, every time Ellie had chastised her for drinking too much. Glimmer can remember the party, the burn of the alcohol in her throat and how easy it had been to start drinking, how easy it had been to keep it up because everyone else was having a good time.

It was normal.

She was normal.

Glimmer swallows and her throat feels thick. ]

So. I brought some home. Just... to have if I wanted some more. That's all.

[ It's not a problem if she doesn't let it be a problem. ]

It just helps me get to sleep sometimes. It's not every night.

Edited 2022-07-04 05:10 (UTC)

[There's a little pinch in Ellie's brow- she might need to tip off Astarion. No doubt he thought it would help loosen Glimmer up a bit. But she keeps that thought to herself.

Instead, she reaches out and slips her arm around Glimmer's shoulders, drawing her in close to her side to give her a slightly rough squeeze.]

I get you. I might- check in about it. It doesn't have to be the way it was.

[When she made Glimmer promise to watch it, when things got terrible so often.]

[ Glimmer slumps a little into Ellie. Her cheeks burn with shame. Guilt. Anger at the memories that she wishes would leave her alone but never will. ]

Okay. I'm not gonna let it get that way. I mean, it's not like I have to go to a bunch of stupid parties anymore, right?

[ She laughs, nervous and uncertain. ]

No, but it's not like nightmares are a walk in the park either.

[Ellie can practically feel Glimmer wilting against her. She tightens her hold- small, fierce. She doesn't think less of her for it. She'd be worse than a hypocrite if she did.]

I can deal with bad dreams. I've had bad dreams before.

[ Glimmer says with more bravado than she really feels. ]

I just--I don't want to be her, Ellie. I don't want to be that Glimmer! It's so hard, there's so much happening and I don't--

[ Her breath catches and she finds herself clinging to Ellie, the way almsot no one else gets clung to these days. ]

I don't want to be stuck in the Aerie for the rest of my life.

Edited 2022-07-07 03:43 (UTC)

From someone who knew you in the Aerie, and you here, you're not the same.

[Ellie squeezes her closer, almost too hard. It's a shared ghost, between the two of them.]

We're always gonna remember it. But we're different now. And we're different from the people we were back home, too.

[Is she trying to convince herself? Or convince herself that it's okay? Ellie eases up on her grip, thumps herself down on the edge of the dock to let her feet dangle off the edge.]

[ Glimmer squeezes herself close to Ellie, letting herself ease down to sit next to her on the edge of the dock. Lets the cool ocean breeze roll in to wick away some of the sticky sweat that clings still. ]

Yeah. You're right.

[ It's comforting to hear someone else say it. Especially Ellie. ]

It just feels weird. Like... only having you here who remembers any of it. Like... I think if you weren't here I'd think I was crazy.

[Ellie half-laughs under her breath, but it sounds like it hurts.]

Yeah. Hell, I'd think my whole world was one big hallucination, if it weren't for Abby being here.

[And that's its own tangled ball of feelings.]

Oh, uh...

[ Maybe a weird time to pick at this particular little wound, but... she has an opening and worrying about her friends means not worrying about herself. ]

How... um... how are things with you two?

[Ellie's feet pause, and then she stretches them out in front of her.]

... weird.

We got the same room in Rialto. I stole her blanket and went to sleep in the kitchen. A couple of days later, she found me trying to sew up my hip, and she did the stitches for me.

But I... was a complete dick to her. In public. On the crystals.

[Deeeeep breath.]

I might've... called her a cunt.

So we kind of go back and forth.

Oh. Yeah. I... Kinda shared her room after you left? I think she was lonely.

[ Not about Ellie, specifically, of course. ]

Weird and back and forth is better than... well, a lot of stuff? You were so jumpy when you first realized she was here.

[ She'd been worried. ]

And I don't think you guys'll be friends, ever. But I'm glad it's better?

Yeah. I'm not afraid of her, I'm just...

I don't know how to handle her being here. Being... you know. A whole person. Instead of just somebody I was-

Hunting.

[Ellie bites at her thumbnail, distractedly.]

We talked. After that. And it wasn't awful.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

[ Glimmer looks down at the water lapping gently at the pilings. ]

I felt the same way when Catra came and talked to me when I was a prisoner. Like... she's just a girl, like me. She's scared and lonely and doesn't know what to do. SHe stopped being this enemy shaped thing in my head and turned into a real person. And it was weird. Is weird.

[ She waves a hand, settles it against the wood of the dock. ]

Yeah? What did you talk about?

Yeah. You probably handled that better than me.

[Ellie shrugs. Oh well, moving on.]

Our world. The kind of stuff that still freaks us out when we're not expecting it. We both helped Wysteria with stuff about guns, and we talked about the things in the Crossroads.

[Ellie kicks her feet, angling one to sluice through the water and splash.]

If we both get sent on that mission, we're riding together. Maybe it's fucked up, but I work better with her than with anyone.

I know it sounds weird, but you two probably understand each other better than almost anyone else here.

[ Glimmer is quiet for a moment, as the old anxiety about love and friendship being binary and limited tugs at her. But she's trying to help Ellie, not shelter her own feelings. ]

She probably understands you better than I do, and I've been inside your head. Just... I don't know how much she's told you about what's happened with her, but she's more similar to you than you probably think. Which is probably more than I should say because I said I wouldn't tell you, but...

[ She trails off. Shrugs. ]

...Is it weird that I like both of you?

Yeah. I've had the same thought.

[Ellie puffs out her cheeks, heaving slow sigh. It's weird, but not as weird as it could be. She kicks her legs again.]

No. I'd probably like her. If things had been different.

[ Glimmer stretches a little to let her toes dangle into the water. Being short is a curse sometimes. ]

...Yeah. Yeah, I know that feeling.

[ Can she learn to like Catra? For Adora's sake? She isn't sure. ]

I wish things had been different a lot.

Me too.

[Ellie sits for a second with her, watching Glimmer stretch to touch her toes to the water, and then shifts up, leaning in, pointing.]

Look. The fish are coming after your toes.

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